Well, today we finally got the answer to some nail biting questions... This is perhaps kind of personal, but what the heck, I usually am pretty personal on here anyway...
This is a long and complicated story, but since part of this now will be part of my everyday life, I am going to tell you the short version so you get an idea of what is going on.
Ken and I met in 1997, and it was very clear from the start that he had been very hurt by a woman. He met her back in the mid 80s when both of them were serving in the military.
Ken's goal was to complete his military obligations so he could get his college education (the military pays for it after your duty is over). After a while Ken got shipped overseas to a military base in Germany and stayed there for 18 months, and they were broken up while he was there.
After he got back they got back together and ended up getting married when Ken was only 22. The marriage lasted 3 years, but they were actually only together for about 1.5 years, they were just not very compatible. Ken had ambitions to get a Master's Degree and do something with his life, she was just happy living by the day and do nothing.
She got pregnant, and they had a daughter. Then Ken walked in on his wife in bed with another man, and after a lot of drama he found out there had been other men as well.
His wife told him he was not the father of the little girl, now 5 months old. During the divorce she stated he was not the father, and he had to sign papers that he did not have any responsibilities or rights to this child. This was in 1992, and Ken just could not afford a DNA test, they were not exactly common or cheap back then, so he never knew for sure. She had the better attorney, so she ended up taking the child and pretty much everything else they had together and took off to another state, leaving Ken without as much as a plate to eat off of, deeply wounded and heartbroken.
Since he was legally established as not being the father in court he was not entitled to any contact with this child. He has kept an eye on her as much as he could over the years, a newspaper clipping when she made the honor roll in her local school, things like that.
Then he lost track for a few years, but a couple of weeks ago he decided to do another Internet sweep and see what he could find. He found her on MySpace! She is now 19 and an adult, so he could now legally approach her (gently and carefully) and she immediately knew who he was and a relationship was quickly established.
She is a very smart and ambitious young woman, unfortunately she has not had it easy growing up with her mom and her new man, but it seems her hard times have made her stronger. She is now working full time at the same time she is going to college. She has big ambitions it seems, just like Ken.
So what about the paternity? Well, both she, Ken and I were in agreement that it needed to be established ASAP for everyone sake, it just wouldn't feel right not knowing for sure, even though we all just felt like they had to be father and daughter. So they did a DNA test, and today we got the result. Yes, 99.99999987 % chance they are father and daughter! Ken feels great, a weight finally lifted from his chest, and I feel great too, just like you kind of do when you all of a sudden gain another family member. And now Sarah has a sister!!!
We are now waiting for her to call, she lives up in Ohio and should get off work any minute now. She doesn't know about the result yet, I have a feeling she will be thrilled too.
Right now she is going through a rough time. She hastily made some decisions early this summer that might not have been so great. She married her boyfriend of 2 years... He has no interests but to stay home and smoke weed it seems. Finally she couldn't take it anymore and demanded he would do something with himself, go to rehab and get on with his life. But it seems they are at a standstill. They lived at his mom's farm, and she has now moved back to her own mom, whom she has a really hard time getting along with. A divorce seem to be where they are headed... Trying to concentrate on work and school at the same time as all this drama is going on is not exactly easy for her.
We have talked about what we would do if paternity was established, and most likely we will send her a plane ticket to come down here for a few days so we can all get together and really get to know each other.
If she likes it here we want her to feel welcome to stay with us while she finish her college degree. There are three nice local universities here that offer her program of choice in Criminal Justice, so we would tour those and she what she thinks. After all, we will have plenty of room in the new house, and she has her own car, so I think it could work out just fine. She says she is ready for a major change of scenery, and frankly I have a feeling she could need a change of "people" as well...
She would get free health care and she could work extra at Ken's firm if she needs extra money. But room and board with all the amenities she could possibly need paid for might not be an offer she can refuse. We will see what she thinks after she gets to see our area. She shouldn't feel like she is a guest or anything, she can come and go as she likes. We just want to be able to give her the kind of break she deserves. She seems to be a very caring person and we would like to help her out any way we can. We have all gotten a really great connection and I feel a wonderful relationship growing out of this long awaited reunion.
I can imagine some of the things she must be thinking, after all, after my mom died when I was 1 and I moved in with my grandmother, I lost contact with my dad. When I was 15 I finally let my curiosity take overhand and I contacted him with a soon to follow in person meeting. He was nice and all, but he also had "butter fingers", if you get my drift. Not exactly a father figure. So I never got to the point where I saw him as my father, more like an uncle or something. He passed away in 2004, but unfortunately he was as immature then as when he abandon his fiancee (my mom) on her death bed "because he couldn't deal with it"...
What do you all think about this?