Not fun

The arm pick line and the new extra long extensions wrapped around my arm.

My own wound dressing, covering the nasty "'hole".

Yesterday was an OK day, I mean, it was what you can expect after just coming home from the hospital. The home care nurse came by, showed me how to properly change the dressing on "the hole", as I call the wound. It is a big ole hole after all, about 4-5 centimeters long. It is nasty, and I hate changing the dressings. You have to be very careful with cleanliness, cleaning your hands with special cleaner, then wearing gloves, taking off the old dressing (gross), then using a special sterile solution in a bottle to spray into the wound, flushing it, then wetting a small gauze pad and inserting one edge into the hole, leaving the rest packed on top, then putting a larger gauze pad on top, and then taping it secure. It is my old C-section, so it is really far down, and in an awkward position.

It burns and stings and is just allover very uncomfortable, making laying down or any kind of movement suck. (Goodbye sleep).

Ken is in a work situation right now, trying to hire people, but being more than too busy, so he has to work 7 days a week, 12 hour days. So that leaves me pretty much on my own with a 5 year old and 2 dogs. I am not suppose to drive for 2 weeks, but I have a feeling that will have to be broken this week, or I will stress out too much.

Ken went by the grocery store last night, and I had emailed him an extremely specific list, since he suck at getting the right stuff. Of course, the majority of the stuff was NOT what I had asked for, but I am suppose to not say anything, or he gets mad at me for complaining... Just want to pull my hair out! There is a REASON the list is specific, like, our daughter doesn't like all beef hot dog, so now you wasted your money buying them! (And of course, he thinks I make her not like them, just because I don't like all beef hot dogs too...) Arrrgh!

This morning the chipper nurse called and woke me up (on a Sunday morning) "I will be there in an hour"... So I got myself up and actually managed to wash my entire body (can't get stomach or right arm bandage wet). I even put on some perfume, and felt decent for the first time in like ever!

Then I noticed I felt feeble. Just no energy. Blah. Dizzy. So I tried to eat some yogurt, drink some. Nothing. The nurse came and installed extension tubing on my arm thingy, so I can flush and inject heparin myself every day.

So now I have MORE bulky shit on my arm all tucked into my arm "sleeve" making it uncomfortable. She was concerned about the wound, it had a green tinge to the drainage, so she called the doctor. I am to monitor my body temp, and call tomorrow. Suuuurrreee..... I am NOT going to any freaking hospital. She was a bit concerned with my feebleness, (I am talking tiredness and light headiness enough that you have to rest your head on the kitchen table while you are talking to the nurse.)

I walked the dogs. I tried not to faint. It was all black and my head was spinning around, I just walked in blindness around the house, I just had to get it done. Then Sarah had to lead me to the couch, and it took at least an hour before the cold sweat stopped each time. This sucks so bad. I am so irritated and done with this. My mind is all back, I am ready to just go on living. But the energy is gone. I just don't get it. The nurse instructed me that the WHO had done a researched that suggested that vitamin C had shown as effective as certain antibiotics in aiding in wound healing, so I got "prescribed" to drink orange juice and take my multivitamins, which I did.

The only reason i am sitting here right now is that I caved in and took a pain pill (she wanted me to), but I am trying to wean myself off of them, they kind of scare me, being morphine derivatives (oxycodone) and all. But they sure perk you up! yay for Percocet! And I had to turn Sarah's computer off anyway after her playing games all afternoon, and I had to pay a bill. So here I am.

And now I have spewed all my irritation and disappointment and can go back to my couch to rest :-)! It is just tough. And I feel like I am doing this all by myself. No help. Sucky husband, although I KNOW he cares and feels for me. But I just want to cry. Shit, now the water works started. Oh, you guys know. I stay positive all the time. I believe in that, it really helps. But sometimes you got to crack just a little and feel sorry for yourself. Well, at least I smell good today! Take care.